Smart Stuff

It’s a very long flight to Yugoslavia and you land in a field of corn. They
figure it cushions the landing…Now, at night, you can’t do anything, because
all of Belgrade is lit by a ten watt bulb, and you can’t go anywhere, because
Tito has the car. It was a beauty, a green ‘38 Dodge. And the […]

There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best
definition is that it is a place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish
are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads,
the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook
the food, the Irish […]

When all else fails, try Wales.
Christopher Logue
“To a Friend in Search of Rural Seclusion”
There are still parts of Wales where the only concession to gaiety is a striped shroud.
GWYN Thomas
Punch, 1928

Join the army, see the world, meet interesting and exotic people, and kill them.
Anon
I don’t know what will be the most important weapon in the next war, but I know what will be the most important weapon in the war after that - the bow and arrow.
Anon
quoted by Joseph Wood Krutch
And we are here […]

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”
Water is H2O, hydrogen two parts, oxygen one, but there is also a third thing that makes it water and nobody knows what that is.
D. H. Lawrence
Human beings were invented by water as […]

A group of politicians deciding to dump a president because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
Russell Baker
If [president Nixon’s secretary] Rosemary Woods had been Moses’ secretary, there
would be only eight commandments.
Art Buchwald

The weak have one weapon: the errors of those who think they are strong.
Georges Bidault
I hate victims who respect their executioners.
Jean-Paul Sarte

After a debauch of thunder-shower, the weather takes the pledge and signs it with a rainbow.
Thomas Bailey Aldrich
Heat, madam! It was so dreadful that I found there was nothing for it but to take off my flesh and sit on my bones.
Sydney Smith
A visitor to Dr. Schweitzer’s hospital in Africa noticed that there were no […]

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.
Kingsley Amis
No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.
Covert Bailey
Of course we all know that [William] Morris […]

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Francis Bacon
It is the wisdom of the crocodiles, that shed tears when they would devour.
Francis Bacon
Knowledge dwells
In heads replete with thoughts of other men;
Wisdom in minds attentive to their own.
William Cowper
No man can be wise on an empty stomach. George Eliot
There are many things of which […]