Smart Stuff

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
(Attrib)
Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.
Kingman Brewster
INTERVIEWER: You’ve been accused of vulgarity.
Brooks: Bullshit!
Mel Brooks
interview in “Playboy”, 1975
When I split an infinitive, god damn it, I split it so it stays split.
Raymond Chandler
This is the sort of English up with which […]

This is not the end of me.
Sir Henry Campbell Bannerman
[To the nun nursing him on his deathbed] Thank you sister. May you be the mother of a Bishop.
Brendan Behan
I don’t feel good.
Luther Burbank
To an observer on the earth, my clock will appear to have stopped.
Einstein
Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
Edmund Gwynn
actor
Turn up the lights; […]

In a court of fowls, the cockroach never wins his case.
African Proverb
One of the seven was wont to say: “That laws were like cobwebs; where the small flies were caught, and the great break through.”
Francis Bacon
Can any of you seriously say the Bill of Rights could get through Congress today? It wouldn’t even get out […]

His idea of roughing it is to turn his electric blanket down to medium. Anon
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
(Attrib)

You liberals think that goats are just sheep from broken homes.
Malcolm Bradbury And Christopher Bigsby
A liberal is a man who leaves a room when the fight begins.
Heywood Broun
You know what they say; If God had been a liberal, we wouldn’t have had the ten commandments. We’d have had the ten suggestions.
Malcolm Bradbury And […]

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
Is it so small a thing
To have enjoyed the sun,
To have lived light in the spring,
To […]

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old
light bulb was.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)
Q: How […]

A bull does not enjoy fame in two herds.
Rhodesian Proverb
Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.
George Santayana

A bull does not enjoy fame in two herds.
Rhodesian Proverb
Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness.
George Santayana

Before you borrow money from a friend, decide which you need more. Anon
It is better to borrow from a pessimist, as he never expects it back. Anon
Pawnbrokers survive on the flat of the land. Anon
If I had the privilege of making the Eleventh Commandment it would be this - Owe
no man.
Josh Billings
We are all of […]